in perpetual pursuit of perfection. [not really]

lots of things are going on atm.. a lot of issues… gahh… and i hate it, i turn in to a needy, squishy minded ameoba. a single celled organism, and that single cell isn’t even a brain.

not long ago i talked about having the courage to say whats right; sometimes it a lot easier to pass judgement and be critical but when we’re emotionally involved in a situation, every little detail of daily co existance with the other person/s becomes just that little bit more complex. some times we think that if we all care about each other, things shouldn’t be as difficult as they are now but if you have nothing worth losing, then you have nothing worth anything at all. I don’t mean to sound so fancy again but, if we take nothing from this life, then the good we see in others is something we should treasure and collect as memories and references.

also feeling a lot of appreciation for other peoples… although i am a total recluse with a truckload of social stutter baggage, ive been pretty fortunate to meet a lot of good people. ‘good’ is a pretty loose term, but one of the most attractive things about a person is their passion and endurance, there’s nothing that makes me happier than seeing someone doing what they love best and working hard to perfect something, not because there’s a grade or applause as a reward but because they want to do the best they can for themselves. if at all possible, and when i get my head back on track, im going to advance steadily onto the second childhood dream. aim not for perfection but ‘To be the best i can be’ overlooking my inhibitions. ‘live life as it should be to show it what it can be’, love thy neighbour and all that stuff… =]

If i be goldilocks, then the third one was just right!

Tuesday was awesomely bizarre. Theres something about us asian girls i reckon. what is it about a stranger, the type that you never want to encounter on a sunny day in a park, let alone a dark alley way; they see someone having a pleasant conversation with a friend and somehow believe that interrupt would be the most delightful thing to do. Meet frothing mouth guitar. Frothing?! thats correct! this slightly disturbed but mainly drunk frothing man interrupted our conversation… ‘oh so you’re art students… IM A DRAMA STUDENT!’ *strikes action pose after much reluctant talking and him telling us that he needed a toilet, but not the free one by the park because thats just ‘too easy’… also did not appreciate him getting a little too close to the design on the top of her top… Adam his name was… a bit of an inappropriate name, i think god did a bit better first time round… eh yeah.. one of the longest 5 minutes ever.. dan’s being late habit… so did not help.

so having met up with dandans we decided to walk up regents street. meet stranger number 2: crazed woman. a random woman who was out for aggression, provoking anyone she encountered, this included verbal abuse by the bucket load attempting to spit at she followed us, and a punch, which was returned by a much deserved strike back. she then chased my brother to oxford circus the crossroads where we then lost her.  this woman knew how to dress well but mentally she had more than her fair share of lose screws.

after all that fun, we hopped on the bus back home. on the way a polite stranger answered one of my brothers rhetorical questions directed at me. (well wasn’t really a rhetorical one.. it was me being too lazy to answer after those other 2, sorry dan!). the gentleman’s name was Richard. he was in the music buisiness..  he told us, he left school without any qualifications, and did xxx odd jobs, learning a little each time, and selling japanese hardware tools in record proportions before he got fed up and applied to a job in the papers 20 years ago. a job that nowadays would be absolutely impossible to obtain, but because that was 20 years back. His first job was Rick Astley, and currently he promotes bands like scouting for girls… he mentioned a lot of big names in music that he was in contact with, and said somewhere a long the line.. this wasn’t him just bragging about his career, he was genuinely an interesting person, he asked about us too, but that bits boring.  that he’s much too lucky to be where he is since he lacks qualifications, but he does have people skills.. the parting note was this: whatever you do, finish your studies. waaaahahahaha… you probably don’t believe that this guy is who he claims to be….. but im not particularly bothered whether he really knows all those people (which if you talked to him for 2 minutes, you’d believe he does) more than anything, i find his rise to success the most fascinating things. so encountering him totally made up for the other 2. I met Richard again on the train 2 days later where we exchanged greetings. its good to think that hard work and dedication will bring you good things, even though that may not always be the case.

wtf another attack.

i don’t care what Jehovah’s witnesses say about these being the last days, i don’t really mind so much that morals and all that shit, is well.. significantly shitter than half a century back.. but im tired of little shits getting kicks out of random unprevoked attacks. what i dislike even more so, is the general public that convieniently disperse as this shit happens. what ever happened to the good Samaritan or even doing the right thing, rather than walking away turning a blind eye and taking care of number one. once in a while im guilty of this, like not telling someone on the tube their fly was undone. however once in a while i do pull through, telling someone that their friend is stuck behind the ticket barrier, returning a card wallet to someone as they left the train that kind of thing. i know my own weaknesses, i dont need to be told by anyone else what they are. i spend every nanosecond of the last 19 plus years of my life with myself, do you really think that someone with my kind of borderline obsessive compulsive behaviour could really over look my own flaws. what im trying to say though all the waffle is that, even though i may never achieve may current goals, i want to achieve my childhood dreams, and thats not becoming a fireman, a police man or doctor, all i ever wanted was (rather naively) to be a good person and to do the right thing. i dont want to ever stand in a situation and be crippled by fear of failure, embarrassment or what ever excuse i create in the milliseconds that matter. i hope that eventually i will overcome my own personality, and speak out when it is right, when i have an opinion, when i can make a difference, when i know something is wrong. lets not be a coward. if nothing about this life or what i do is permanent, then lets try at least to disrupt the status quo. history would have been really dull without change.

three bags full!

of good good goodness…

*listening to utada, always makes me feel ridiculously giddy even after one of those days where absolutely everything lays into you.

*had a great day just meeting someone new and just having a laugh.

*and to top it off, friend aceing an assessment with yummy work, style and substance…

hope tomorrow goes well…. lack of insp’ atm.

back in london, back on blog (only because you asked!)

hohoho, back in London again, back from my break from uni and tbh i really hate holidays, i have to divide my time between not 2 but 3 cities, hours apart, and it doesn’t help that im shit at maintaining any sort of contact or commitment with my friends. ugg mother went off to hk for a month/still is after a rather large argument with my father. so. what else.. im so darn sleep deprived, like Pauline at Central, she looks worse after a day off, so why not just keep working? thats what im thinking for uni tomorrow. failed my driving so i have to lugg my ass all the way back to continue my lessons. in all fairness, my not particularly bummed, did what i could, and aced my manoevers,.. will sort out the driving laters. new term. going to try to maintain regular/reasonable sleeping and waking hours as well as munch times… and going to probably almost definitely going to go for moving image for the next two weeks, even though i cant stand the brief and im more that definately going to be working in a group with 3 people i won’t know. i just hope i wake up good, nothing worse than approaching something with a bad attitude and negative thoughts.