target setting..

urgh.. i have a ugly feeling that i completely slept my way through this term, no i did work.. just about. when i say im competent, i get the work done on time. when i say, i have good time management, what i really mean is i manage my time well enough to fit in all play till the last minute, where there will be an allnighter, and the work will be done to a competent level delievered on deadline. but thats not what im talking about.. due to my complete lack of consciousness on the very few days i actually see people.. mostly on these deadline days where i have had half and hour to no sleep whatsoever. i think ive wasted my first term not getting to really know people.. i was resently enlightened that my default expression in any situation is infact UTTER BOREDOM. even when im thrilled and interested, this muscleless mask will fool even the closest of friends who know me like the back of their hand (such a weird saying..) i don’t particularly want to pass into second year being subconsciously recognised by all as the hostile girl, which im more than sure thats how i present myself 95 of time to strangers and acquaintances alike. having said all that i have had the pleasure of meeting two peoples made of awesome jelly beans.. i don’t mean that.. but yuh trying to invent a figure of speech in their honour .. FAILing miserably. thanks sara, thanks shin.

anywho. hopefully next year will be filled with opportunity and a truck load of luck i hopes.. (the good kind.. no jinxes grr). I hope to be able to pay for all my living expenses in this life time, and hopefully have enough on the side, to save for a future that will be wonderful, so much so that i cannot picture it for now, enough on the side for giving thanks to the those who have taken their time for me along the way. thanks mum, thanks dad.

someday i will make up for all that i lack, and people will love me for what i do, and even if i only make enough to scrape by, i hope you will be happy and proud that i’ve taken the leap of faith and invested in something i believe in and love.. and i wish that for everyone too, that we will we will all reach a happy state of mind for ourselves and those who care about us… even if it maybe far away. Shin said that .. when you’re in a gallery, you can tell who do art and who don’t. those who do art sneak up close, observing the handiwork, and the slight nuances of the paint and crackle, whilst others distance themselves to admire the overall appearance. people should take value in the journey, which is often more important than the final destination, so i guess the moral is.. just take everyday as it comes and enjoy it! (even if your lack of facial expressions project the wrong impression to others!)

be good.

well if anyone is reading this.. at this hourish at this day ish i figure you’re not working.. getting to that desperate state that all despite your 250% work output; your’e so screwed, its now 4 am.. the sky is a cobalt blue and the fucking birds are starting their daily quartet session, you have the passing thought of giving up and starting smoking to pass the time….. you do your internet rounds… with the finger resting on the f5 key.. anything to postpone the work… well i see my duty as a friend to tell you STOP SLACKING *** BITCH SLAPPING YOU BACK INTO ACTION!! , back to work grrrrggrrgrgrggrgrrggrgg! yarrr.. munchage.. and several sequential sugar highs: big thumbs up, go go go!

meanwhile im going to reprise my napping session after 31 hours of my allnighter! nioght!

series of unfortunate events.. in the most delightful way!

i’ve been meaning to blog for a while, and initially i was intending to say something along the lines of, ‘reflecting on the terms work; i have made sacrifices, and suffered, alas it has all been worth the while’, or some bullshit along those lines. fact of the matter is, all my so called ‘hard work’ has been completely outshadowed, by a crazy, but very dedicated and determined person.. doing three times the amount of projects that is actually required. Proud of her.. glad to hear someone ‘beat the system’ and this ‘dont do more than one project at once stuff’, if my calculations are correct.. (simple maths and all) where we were supposed to do 1 project she did 3… hmm…. yes .. everyone else: youre slacking!

Well regardless of it all, i have, imho worked pretty hard this term, im at the stage where instead of eating 4/5 meals a day im eating 2/3.. and if anyone knows me at all, thats a huge reduction… my sleeping hours are minimal, and i get into uni with 5 minutes to spare, 5 minutes to grab a lipton ice tea, which will be my ‘breakfast’, no im not a diet freak (hooked onto the latest crazy completely and utterly unsupported by basic science/logic), far from, binging is my thing, but i can genuinely say i don’t have the time to even eat properly. Ive heard it said that, if you really want to be good at doing anything you’ve got to do it more than eating 3 meals a day.. im well on the way there.. not by personal choice though… oh well, regardless the destination is still the same. The past 4/5 weeks have been hectic, moving image, uni everyday for two weeks, 10.30 till 5 earliest, typography, graphic ideas, Tank magazine, Givenchy. whew.. barely enough space to breathe… you get one crit/deadline done, and the next one comes rolling in.

Despite all the chaos, i truly enjoyed it, there have been a handful of small but rather rewarding little candies along the way. Having a third year in shock over the concepts and ideas you create having discovered you’re a first year… yep definitely worth it, that and 33 quids worth of designer lippy in slightly bizarre tones that only really make them applicable, once a year, halloween perhaps. well at least you’re ensured that it really will last… a very long time .. Not that im a complete whore for attention or anything (<< lies) getting the nodds of approval at interim crits with 2nd, 3rd years and tutors really gives you a huge boost. you know you’re doing something vaguely right. I’ve picked up a few things along the way too, final cut, quark, the slight nuances and delicate ways of typography (it a bit of an infatuation atm) and most of all the love and appreciation of graphic design. yes this is ellen saying all this.

On top of that, for the first time in a very long while (if ever.. not to be too dramatic or anything) im really starting to feel like im actively working towards something i want, and i dont just mean picking up a brush and a piece of paper, its not a challenge if its already something you do. small baby steps to becoming my own person rather than some excuse to live in a way that just worked at the time:

ive started reading freakonomics, its taken me 3 goes but im finally half way through. i went to the advertising and packaging museum; took a trip to portabello market (at last!) and taken part in competitions that interest me. there really is no point in taking a back seat in your own life, people can tell you what to do, when to do it but no one else is going to regret it like you will, like i have. so! cheers to making little steps to becoming a fuller richer person, with a little more substance than the sheets of lard that cover my bones.

on another note, i’ve finally found some music that i can listen to and fall asleep to. craig armstrong. mucho mucho loves. beauty for my ears! deelish!

ps. sorry about teh wafflage. i write for my own records. blogging should just be called, the art of conversation without that really annoying thing of people interrupting and adding a dash of their own opinion, which you clearly don’t care much about. much loves!

oh my!

gaarrrrhrhrhrhrhh.. im tearing out my hair, i have high stress levels, which are about to develop into epileptic fits any moment now. givenchy givenchy is ringing though my head, and if i have to hear that damnd word (although technically a name) im going to throw myself out the window, which will indeed cause a lot of damage since i live on the first floor. it’ll be a messy morning for the basement flat.. garkarhkjashjkahrkjakrk yuarr.. yessh so i have to create visualisations for the clients on a printed document as well as jibber jabber my way through a 5 minute presentation. oh my! The temperature doesn’t help either.. i’ll start hallucinating next. help! D:

overcoming tiredness

== is the emocon of the day… (imho that is good shortening.. emotionicon.. emocon.. yuh whatever..)

but what the who, pretty darn glad its a bank holiday.. i have never felt the benifits of a bank holiday.. well forever.. at central we have a busy night, at badminton no change.. hurrah, a well deserved break finally on my 3 day weekend. yesterday ubermunchage, oriental city, the food court is sort of like a bit of an upgraded version of some sort of a make shift business in a post apocalyptic world.. which i looove and am definately going to use in my currently abandoned post apocalyptic graphic novel. anywho watched 21 aswell..  i love the idea of young and overly intelligent peoples beating a system, that was made not accounting for people who are as great as they are.. yeah wow.. it can’t help but make you wonder.. would be great to do something brilliant, overachieve peoples underestimates for you… and really catching peoples imagination.. im guessing theres a sudden surge of wannabes who can’t do ‘basic math(s)’ (we’re in the uk ok?.. theres definately an s after math…) .. surge of wannabes trying to count cards a s an ‘easy’ way of getting rich fast… hell im tempted. but yesh.. pretty good movie.. i didn’t get bored like i do in some movies.

so yuss . saturday- rest. sunday – fun. monday – rest and work. its a bright and brilliant day, a nice bit of vivaldi’s spring blasting from my speakers, the sunlight bleeding though the already opened curtains, and the air feels good.

this week is going to be just as busy as the last.. ive got lots to do for typography and the givenchy brief (pronounced ji-vaughn-chhheeee), there’ll be another interim crit session with the designers who left csm and created the current design. urgh.. but if everything went as well as it did last week it’ll be a really fun week. really satisfied with the nods of approval i got on my ideas from the tutor and second and third years.. and as for typography.. learning a lot.. its a bit of a hidden and foundational art. you don’t tend to notice it until its done so badly it hurts your eyes and if you get it wrong it changes everything.. kind of like a negative marking system. but yes mucho appreciation to the wonders of typography. speaking of typography and all things graphic designy, im not really sure if i want to do illustration illustration for the time i am still here. i love illustration, (well.. more or less) but totally seeing and appreciating graphic design, moving image/animation, advertising and typography in a whole new light. im thinking in a completely different way… which is completely based on concepts and a strong idea that most importantly fits. not just a good idea that i bullshit to a fit like  i usually do in illustration. and this new way of thinking really makes me feel more accomplished than i ever did doing illustration.. illustration was about bettering myself with skill in producing an image, or just creating a pretty picture. i looked back through my foundation work and didn’t like a lot of what i saw.. ive started to change my drawing style a little too.. a long awaited change.. i dont want my work to look like some sort of anime wannabe. anywho.. end of the day i probably will chose illustration and moving image as a support, but regardless, endless respect for all things graphic. ^_^